You may think i’m kinda harsh to write it on my thoughts that women are not slaves. but, this is i’m concerned about when i first came to my class, it’s International Human Rights class. An interesting class to join. And lucky me, i got a smart lecturer, he’s called Pak Andrey. i might not have too much conversation with him, but i can see by the way he teaches us in class, he’s totally smart eventhough he’s not that good at arguing, well i just love his thoughts, affection and the way he concerns about Human rights. he likes to share stories, news, and histories that relate to human rights. and just in time, when i came in to his class this morning, he talked about “Slavery”.

He explained about the legal definition of  slavery. he said that slavery is a system under when people are treated as properties and are forced to work,  a civil relationship whereby one person has absolute power over another and controls their life, liberty, and fortune and have a sense to own over another. interesting. isn’t it?

According to this, Pak Andrey asked us to give examples the kind of slavery. and i said, Human trafficking. he enlightened me by saying that human trafficking could be known as a modern-day form of a slavery, that means, what i said was true.  and it crossed my mind that there are many kind of slavery in our life if we just can see every small things around us. i mean, i’m not talking about a legal definition of slavery this time, i’m talking about slavery it self.

i’m gonna make it simply casual. i’ll simplify the example. as a woman, who happened to date some guys i’ve been hurt and probably been hurting people, but let’s not talk about me hurting people. let’s talk about a woman who has been hurt by some men. because according to facts, men have this natural talent that i don’t know where it came from but it exists that they have some naturally absolute power to control women’s life (slavery characteristic number 1 has been detected), that i don’t know how, somehow men gets so abusive. this power abuse that they mostly do usually tortures women both ways physically and psychologically  whom they think they own them (slavery characteristic number 2 has been detected) and most of them apply arbitrarily to satisfy their lust, disregard them as human beings (slavery characteristic number 3 has been detected).

women were born not to be insulted. women are not slaves. women are here not to be hurt. women are human. women are equal with men. we are equal before everything. women are not property.

No one shall be held in slavery or servitude; slavery and the slave trade shall be prohibited in all their forms. (Article 4 UDHR)

read that, “in all their forms”. i take it as either legal or not it’s prohibited because it relates to human rights.

I’m not good at saying something. You know I’d rather to write it down than saying it directly.

Time changes, so does life. And I hate it when it comes to me. I’m not blaming you for this because of course it was mine instead.

I don’t wanna be fake, neither be the one who confesses and witnesses things honestly. You know I’d rather be quiet. Because you know I’m not good at saying anything.

I just don’t have enough a courage  to say something truthfully in direct.

I feel bad for once I’ve thought and said that we could make it, the fact we couldn’t or I couldn’t. if I had a chance to make a defense, I’d say I just don’t get enough to believe that I’ve changed. But if I had no chance, I’d say.. I’ve made new friends that I can get more comfortable with.

It was the truth. You might not like this one. But I know you’re not a huge fans of faking as you say it. so there I said it.

I feel bad to be the one who you thought I forgot you. I’ve been sleepless the whole times just thinking of you.  I’ve been thinking of how to make you happy for who I am. But it seems like you turn to judge me for every single thing I do. I’ve been sleepless because I can’t stop thinking of how I owe you my life. And it hurts

It hurts to be the one who keeps thinking of making everyone happy, because i feel happy around you. I feel like there’s something that I gotta repay is that I gotta make you feel happy in return just to be happy around me. but I have a fear that you never be happy around me. that sometimes I kept myself away from you, and i once swore I’d come back when I had my self sure I could make you happy.

The hardest part of being a friend is, when you try hard to be a straight forward because you’ve been asked for it but it’ll turn out they hate you. I just don’t get it how to be good at it. I have no idea.

The thing is, I feel like losing you. I do. if you thought I hated you, you were false. If you thought I forgot you, you were false. The fact is, I can’t stop thinking of you, it’s true. I sometimes cry about it. and as I’m writing this I am crying like a baby. if you thought this writing was sweet-talking and lies, you were false. I trust you and that’s why you have to trust me. I never never never tell lies when it comes to the person I trust.

I love you.. I do. I once have lost friends back then and it was depressing, I felt like killing my self for the fault I’ve made. For the hurt I’ve felt. By then, I learned something, I don’t wanna lose anyone else and especially you. you’ve been so nice because you are.

I’m sorry for the wrong I’ve made. I won’t promise again to plan or craming idea that we can make it, but I hope we can make it.

It hurts for not having you around.

I’m sorry. Like seriously. I’m sorry

I’m a bad person who tries to be the good one, and I know I’m so failed. So that’s why I’m sorry.

A selfish heart

i swore not to surrender, unless you ask me to

A selfish heart

what i have been hiding thoroughly deep inside my heart, i would never let you know nor let  you go

it’s been years peebs,

i thought the wait would be so worth this selfish heart, until you showed up

i’ve been empty

i thought you would be the one who was gonna fill it, until you walked by

i’ve been waiting the whole time

i’ve been waiting and wishing and praying before i went to sleep if i had a chance to say hello and if you would ever notice me that i even existed in your little world, but you would never have.

A selfish heart

it was just me who kept thinking that i didn’t feel the need to tell you how i feel about you

A selfish heart, dear peebs..

it doesn’t exist anymore, it broke

you will never have any idea why it did

you’ll have no clue why it disappeared

you’ll never touch it

because you didn’t have a hint who was this girl that hapenned to have

A selfish heart.

i usually write when i get restless on my period. when actually there was nothing happening. but on a period, when you’re on period, there are some hormones that make you think too much, even a little thing at all.

the most little thing i’ve ever thought of at that time was, why night is dark and day is bright. it was silly, but somehow, i needed an answer to fall asleep. well i haven’t got the answer, but i fell asleep eventually.

and the heaviest thing i’ve ever thought of was, why life seems so complex but when you just get through it, it’s not like what it seems, doesn’t it? (i don’t know, does this question look heavy? well.. )

there’s a thought that crosses my mind so often, it was, the past. turns out, another question comes to my brain, why human was created to have a capacity to memorize? the past. it remains. always remains.

those questions above sometimes keep me awake all night. they careless about my morning class. the worst thing is, i never get to learn about this lessons. i mean, there’s no such a lesson’s learned, is there? no. because i actually don’t like to find my self awake at night, i need a well-run sleeping time but what could i do when my brain can’t stop working like that? most of the time, i told my self to sleep, i counted sheep, i spell the mantra about “i’m not gonna sleep but i’m just gonna laying around till dawn” out, i read books, stalked people, i masturbated (even if sometimes it worked), i turned my BlackBerry off, i wrote blog, everything i do i do it for sleep. those ways i have tried, BIG FAILED.

some people say it’s a lonely disease, but i guess it isn’t. i’m optimistically not lonely or alone or a loner or sorta things like that. there’s just something relates to it, just a word, scared. another word, afraid. another word, fear.

i’m scared to be lonely. i’m afraid of being alone. i fear the lonely time. because most often i think of how do i live without these people that i have right now.

as a matter of fact, they cross my mind like FOREVER. and sometimes it’s such a relieve when i find them are always be right there backing me up, pushing me through and get together.

it’s like a sleepy therapy to think of them. i suddenly get sleepy🙂 see how it works.

thx fellas! i love you like, A LOT.

It’s on May 26th.

I never thought that some friends had some things for my birthday. Well I had my birthday surprises every year from them. This year was much more marvelous. There were 5 birthday surprises. I know i got a bunch of amazing friends, but i never thought that i would be treated that special! i’m so blessed!

First birthday surprise came from: Ari, Mail, Ferry, Nenek and her new boyfriend. they came at midnight when i was just going off to bed. They brought me a cake that had the form as love. sweet :’)

introducing my Junior High School best friends, Ari, Feri, and Mail

The second surprise came from Emes and Rendy! It’s just too bad we didn’t capture some pictures to share with these guys😦 but they showed up few minutes after the first surprise! I was like so excited, i thought that they didn’t remember about my birthday! but they did! Thanks guys!

Third surprise came from these crazy amazing guys; Galih, Anggi, Dede, Mandy, Mbak. They Dropped by to my house in the early morning when i was going to take a shower, i was about to go to campus. They were incredible!

Dede took this picture so she didn't show up on it. but thank you very much bestie for taking this!

The fourth Surprises came from Vivin. I call her “Bossshh”, and i get her calls me “Sobbi”. She came up when me and friends were at the Karaoke while we were in a break-time.

Introducing; Mbak, Vivin, and Erika!

The fifth surprise came from Asha! We call each other “Bolang”. yes we do nick-naming. that’s kinda fun! She showed up in campus with a cute cupcake. she decorated the cupcake with her own! that was superb cute!

Introducing; Asha "Bolang"! what a cute gal!!

Well actually there was the sixth surprise. It came from Afgan (My favorite Singer). Friends know i heart Afgan like A LOT! They strove so hard to make Afgan wishing me Happy birthday on twitter, and they made it! It wasn’t finished in there, Erika has a friend who knows Afgan, she pushed her friend to tell Afgan to make a voice note and then she could send it through to me. And SHE MADE IT. Afgan sang a happy birthday song to me, he mentioned my name!!! DAMN IT!

I couldn’t stop saying so much gratitude the other day. It was just i was overwhelmed of happiness. People are INCREDIBLE.

This is what i call HAPPINESS. Being around people i love who i assume they love me in return.

Thank you very much. i know it couldn’t be enough. But if there was a way to prove that i thank you guys from the bottom of my heart, i’d do anything.





6 days left.

I’m turning to 22. Dang! Am i that big!

it feels like i just had my 21 birthday yesterday! i can barely recall what i have been through since the day i was born. not that remember but there always be someone to remind me about my childhood. ah! i wish i could not grow up. i wish i could stay to be a cute little baby!

” life will even be harder when you’re twenty-something, but that’s how we grow up! that’s how we survive ” – My self quote

people grow, evolve, and change. i can’t recall how i had my first step. i can’t remember my first word. But here i am, 22 years old ahead and there are so many things that i’m gonna learn as i grow older and older and older.

i remember the time i used to wear sneakers and now i wear flat shoes. i remember the time i used to play basket ball and now i go to the gym considering to keep my body in shape, to have sexy muscle, and hot abs, and tight ass. i remember the time i used to get confronted with Mom, now i’m trying to be as smooth as i can, as sweet as i can.

i remember the time i met my friends in school. i remember the time i met my first love. remember the first kiss.

i would never ever be that happy without these people in my life. you guys are the love of my life.

if i ever changed to be someone else, i wish i could be a better person for all the people around me. and if i ever got stumbling, i wish you guys were there to remind me who i was. because,

Metamorphosis. is careless.

i love you. and i hope you love me too.

aliey. 22 years old.


We don’t really get along each other.

We are not really connected.

We got into so much fights.

She has been always giving me the talks about having a life, but i keep to deny.

She has done some wrongs.

But, She has been always on my side.

She takes care of me.

She sheds her tears for me.

And she is the wind beneath my wings🙂

thank you. i love you!

I'm wishing you a Merry Xmas and Happy New Year 2010!!

Apparently, everyone is busy with making any resolutions for a new year in 2010. i don’t even think about it. not yet.. and that’s very sad. i just asked a friend as i’m writing this post has she gotten her resolutions, she answered this simple,  she wants to have a job as soon as she finish her thesis. i wanna have her resolutions too, but unfortunately i’m not as good as she is in university. i have failed so many subjects and in this term, i know i will be failed again, cause i skipped classes just too much, there were too many sick-times this term. the decision is in university, if they let me pass in to final-test, i have a chance to pass the subjects. i have many things get pending. and once again, that’s very very sad😦 my dad’s gonna get dissapointed. sorry. i know i say sorry too much, but this time, that’s all i can say about it.

This year, in 2009, i noticed something that apology and forgiveness are meaningless these days. You know, people say sorry and make up everyday like, they eat to live. So, if i can substitute this quote that ” People eat to live ” with ” People say sorry to live ” i couldn’t be wrong, could i ? I do say sorry too much, and i think it’s just wrong. If u do something too often, it makes no special sense anymore. Like, if you say something unusual too often, it makes this unusual to be a usual.

To say sorry in an appropriate and a properly time, will be much meaningful than saying sorry too often. i bet. because saying sorry has to be have a deep meaning. When you say “I love you” to people you love,you have to mean it, right? that’s “sorry” supposed to be said.

Therefore, for this new year resolutions, i got :

  1. Say sorry if i mean it (of course i will make sure first if i do )
  2. If  dad gives me another chance to fix my grades in university, i will do my best to fix it
  3. Make target to do thesis

Over all, folks.. making resolutions every year is not that bad, it isn’t a bullshit or bluffing kinda thing.. but it’s kinda motivation for yourself. it’s kinda evaluation for yourself to have a better life to live. To be a better person every year. and it couldn’t be so wrong. have your reaolutions! Happy holiday.. Merry Xmas and Happy New Year!!! See you next year!!!!


A week ago, Dad took me to pick up my grand ma at Kerawang,West Java. A place where i meet my aunt, she got a Mental Disorder since she was kid caused of a deaf. She’s supposed to be Twenty-something.

She said hello. She was so friendly and cheerful. She was so happy to see us came by to her place. She approached me like, i was her sister or something. Few minutes after she served us like so friendly and warm, she got freaked out. She turned into mad for no reason. She cried, she shouted like crazy to people around. She took all the treats back. We were not allowed to turn on the TV. Moreover, she asked me to leave the house. I watched how they handle this.. of course when she got mad, because when she got her sanity, people around her keep to treat her like a 5 years old kid.

The thing i’m trying to tell you here is, they treat a woman who is totally an adult mental just like they treat a toddler. hmm.. however she’s an adult. in despite of she’s a mental, she’s still an adult. She is a woman. She deserve to have an adult thoughts, deal, and an adult environment. Accordingly, she would stop acting like she’s a toddler, yet she would know how to develop herself into a woman. she would stop getting mad or getting insane. she would stop getting her unstable mood.

if this stuff i’m telling you doesn’t work, we are remained to supposed to treat her as a woman. she will understand in time. she may develop herself.

This deal is totally wrong for her. She can’t live like this like forever. what if someday no one would take care of her the way she got right now ? She would be just all alone someday. She has to know that there’s another world that she ought to discover out there. She has to find something. Something that will make her to feel alive. Something that will make her to be a woman.

They are just wrong.