Spread Kiss For Peace Movement

Folks, you must be having this question in your head, like “what the hell does she think about spread kiss for peace movement?” or anything like that. Well, whatever.. all i need to do is explain to you what this is all about.

i actually never had any intended kinda feel to watch “This is it” the one who shows us about MJ’s rehearsal. But, i have a friend who is such a HUGE fan of MJ. she forced me to watch it, she even bought me the ticket. What the hell, She made it work 😦 i have watched it.

There was an interesting part in that film where MJ always says ” I love you” kinda thing or “Do it with love.. L. O. V. E ” or anything about love.. it’s thoughtful and kind and touchy.

MJ has issue about Love in his entire life. i agree with him when he says that everything that you’d do, do it with love. But is it that easy to do everything with love ? i started to think.. hmm.. i started to think about it like, so deep, that’s when i fell sick! (this is too much, joking 😀 ) but i did fall sick, and this thought just came out from my head when i was tweeting on twitter for sure.

when i was tweeting, i felt like kissing everybody. and i love this part, you know the way you get kissed and kiss people. it turns to peace deep inside of your heart. seriously, you gotta try it. if you don’t trust me, you can try. start from now, kiss people around you.. begins with people next to you, over there.. yeah over there.. give your mom, you dad, your sibling(s) and cousins, grandparents, give them a kiss.. you don’t have to kiss on their lips, they will understand.. you just need to kiss them. on their cheeks, on their foreheads, on their noses, whatever.. just kiss.. each other.. it is good for your health psychology.

so i determined that yesterday November 26th is a kiss-day. A ” Spread kiss for peace movement” day in my little universe.. ehehhee..

Why? Why Spread kiss for peace movement ?

here’s the thing, world requires peace, peace takes some love to make it work, love takes some kiss to make it work.. it relates to each other. so let’s start with kissing before love.  it is for peace. this is a movement i made to make peace in world. and you, you, you, you gotta believe me that it will work. it is gonna work by kissing each other!

start from now, kiss people next to you if you love your universe, if you want to make peace.

peace and kiss.



made by dwikiIsn’t it cute ? this was drawn by Dwiki. we were chatting on the other night. he said he is good at drawing like “Seth Cohen”. He asked me to wait, it took like 5 minutes to draw it, scanned it, and sent it to me.

The other day i told Dede ” I miss him.. ” and Dede said ” You’re in love.. ” and i was like, WHAT ? I mean, when you miss someone, does it mean that you are in love with this person you miss ? I don’t think so. Well, as you know.. i don’t know how it feels.. to fall in love. Is it kinda weird ? Is it gnarly ?

But, you know. This is my favorite quote that i made yesterday by the time he drawn this drawing;

It’s kinda funny when you don’t think that you’re in love, in fact you do. Then you’d notice when someone you’re in love with remained to treat you tenderly.

I wrote this quote everywhere.

So, i went out with Dwiki Truelove 2 weeks ago. We had this thing called “Double Date” with Fachmi and Dede. We watched “Inglorious Basterds” at FX, had dinner at Burger King. We planned to hang out at a bar to have some beers to catch up but apparently we didn’t find any place. there were all full. so we decided to go home so soon. there are some pictures we took;


we had Burger King for dinner.what a junk food 😉


at Jakarta Theater.i was so dark.he said i looked like alay with the tan 😦


Here They are my favorite couple Fahmi and Dede


at d'Hooi. it's kinda a bar.i love this place but they don't

i had a great time with them.. although when they drove me home, Dwiki was falling asleep. *sigh*

Asians eat rice. Whatever happens with rice,they have to eat rice in a day. I am an asian, and i have to eat rice in a day. but recently, i’m sick of eating rice. i’m bored for having rice for meal. i need something different than rice. i’m getting to crave for anything but rice. so 2 days ago, i determined that i’m breaking up with rice. we broke up.

i can explain you for 2 reasons why i’m breaking up with rice.

first of all, i am 21. i am asian who eats rice. i eat rice like forever. forever in my entire life. i eat rice with fried chicken, i eat rice with curry, i eat rice with anything i can combine with rice, a good-taste combining. can u imagine that??? i eat rice for 21 years (ok, not really 21 years, minus 5 years. u know baby doesn’t eat rice. i started to eat rice when i was 4) and all of the sudden two days ago, this thing kinda through my head that i’m bored eating rice. i realize that eating rice for 19 years.. is bored.that’s it. bored.

second of all, rice is a carbohydrate which means, i could get my tummy fat, totally no shape because of rice. OK. like i care. actually, i dont really care about this fat-things. so why would i make the second reason again ?

-_- there’s no second reason actually. i am just bored. that’s it.

back to “breaking up with rice” my friends took me to have dinner two days ago. they picked a place where i had to eat sushi. sushi is made by rice. i know. but i could not deny that i broke up with rice, it didn’t mean that i could not eat sushi right ? so i ate sushi. i really had a great time for having sushi at my dinner.in the meantime, deep inside i was craving for pancakes for my dinner.

few hours ago, my friends bought japanesse food. there’s rice of course with everything that fried. when they ate them, i was so glad that i was so wasted. i was not hungry.i could resist the charm. but in the morning, when i got up from bed, i was starving, and then i saw that japanesse food, it turned me on, so i grabbed it.in the meantime, deep inside i was craving for pancakes for my breakfast.

and i had tom-yam-kung and rice for my lunch after that, i had soto and rice for dinner. and this morning i had tofu and rice for breakfast, and i just had shrimp and rice for dinner. meanwhile, deep inside i am craving for pancakes so bad everytime.

u know what ? i think i can’t live without rice.i just love rice. i know i want pancakes so bad, but i can eat pancakes sometimes. i should’ve not broken up with rice. in fact rice is my life. rice is all around in my life. people around me eat rice. if i determined to break up with rice forever, i could go abroad, where i couldn’t meet rice, i could eat pancakes everytime, everyday, but then abroad i could find rice in chinatown, or in chinese restaurant, or asian restaurant, then i would miss rice, i would start to order rice and then i would eat rice again. unless, i decided to go to a north pole or something. then i could break up with rice for the rest of my life. but i wouldn’t. i would not go anywhere to avoid rice. i’ve been living with rice for 21 years, although i started to eat rice at 4. but before i was 4, people around me, they ate rice and i was like asked them, how does it taste, and they answered “good”. you know, there’s no one who says that rice is suck. no one. even westerns who don’t eat rice, they say rice is good when they try it.

in a fellowship thing, this legit happens. sometimes we break up with guys for no reason. the reason that just come out is bored. we can’t put the blame on people who say bored to give a reason why they break up. people, we are human being. we say bored because we are bored. but it doesn’t mean that we can dump other people for this reason, not when it turns to people that has been around in our life for years, not when it turns to people that love us, and need us. not when it turns to people that really understand us, when it turns to people that make us realize that we can not live without. because we would get back together somehow eventually. don’t hurt people because with this bored thing. try another reason that makes us clever, that makes people respect us as human being. because we live as one. even westerns eat rice! ring a bell ?

People just don’t understand. they won’t understand. and they don’t even wanna understand. or yeah maybe there’s a time when they do, but that time is kinda unfriendly with mine.

i have been thinking, since i’ve decided to leave him, that i had to be losing a part of my life. and i did realize that it would not work that easy. i have lost a part of my life. a part of my life means that a half time of my life was our quality time, and the other parts were another essential parts’s. i just miss those times, when we let ourselves into each other’s life

we have many things in common. he liked silverchair as much as i do. and when i started to listen to silverchair again a week ago, i felt like talking with him like we used to do. the saddest part was, he is no longer on my side. he is in another place that i don’t even know where it is. whether he’s home or somewhere else. and then this thought just come out, the hardest part to get over him is, no one likes silverchair as much as we do. we used to sing along together with his guitar, and that time was so sweet. that time remains the same, even his skin smells the same. still same.

either time reveals, or heals or changes everything, those are just to define that time’s suck. i wish i could kill the time. i wish i could rule the time. and i wish he felt the same thing just what i do now.

people just don’t understand. no one can accept my flaws and all, but him. he loved my pimples(he didn’t tell that he loved them but he never told me that the pimples made me look weird or old and faded! he did never) he even used to bite my cheek, even if there were pimples around it. he did! he kept kissing my neck even it was full of sweat! (but he might have tasted it salty! LOL) he didn’t ask me to go to see the dermatologist to heal my pimples. he gave me morning kiss. he let my head around his arm on bed when we were sleeping(of course when i stayed over at his house). when i turned to this question ” Are you weary ? ” he would have said ” Not at all, dear ” with the smile on his face.

people won’t understand, how it feels when he is in my thoughts. he sang me serenade to sleep (he even tried hard to write a serenade for taking me to sleep), he stroke me by the hair for taking me to sleep, he used to say ” nitey nite ” before he got to sleep, and when i turned to not answer him, he would have said ” answer please.. ” so i took the answer ” Good night.. ” and then he would have kissed me tender on my lips.

people don’t wanna understand when i feel like going crazy to think of him. people don’t understand when i feel like getting cranky for missing him. and people won’t understand why it’s so hard to get over him. between us it was too deep. too deep.

P.S : would he ever feel the vibe if i shouted his name when the distance that only matters ? ;(

it's addictive!

it's addictive!

remember the last time when the Blackberry product was being abundant to be used by people in this entire world, i was being so cranky about it.Most of my friends were getting use it, and i was feeling like, abandoned! Just so you know, i knew blackberry way too far earlier before them, it’s just i thought i don’t really need blackberry to get connected with people, well i don’t think that blackberry was such a new fashion that you must have it either. but the fact, people use it.

i go hanging out with friends who use blackberry, i feel like talking with sculpture or something. they do realize it, because then they will act like they listen to me, because they feel guilty actually for being busy with their blackberry. well, sometimes it happens to me when i feel like talking with a boring person, you know but you have to face it because this boring person needs somebody to talk to (i won’t let people surrounding me get insane like marshanda! tell ya, i love them! ) but it just sometimes. when it comes to Blackberry person, trust me it will happen like FOREVER. FOREVER my friends…

i happened to make some protest action to them, ” Could you just at least not type as you drive ? Of course if you could not type as you talk to me..  ” and they made the defense, ” This is urgent text ! ” they can just lie, as long as i don’t know that the text is filled with this silly question ” What’s up ? ” . do they just like to type or what ?

this blackberry syndrome, i call it as a unsociable measure.get a life you unsociable person!

it’s kinda reverse psychology. i just think that i belong to this unsociable person for now. i am addicted to play THE SIMS! i did install all kind of the sims, on my new computer! i don’t know, i’m just attracted with this game. create how people look like, the personality, the interests, the house, the family, i just love this game. you can set what you want, you can set with whom you’ll be falling in love, you can dump dudes, you can have 3 or even more boyfriends, you can cheat your money, you can cheat your lifetime happiness, you can buy everything you want, you can break up with someone with no hard feeling, it’s just fantastic, it’s beautiful, amazing ! and, you can live without your parents get involved!

then i forget with my real life, i forget that i have friends (who use Blackberry) i forget that i have to fall in love in my real life, i forget that i have to study, i forget that i have to write songs, i forget that i have family, i forget everything, i just can remember about the sims life ! and i don’t know how the sims seizes my time this much. oh bad example.. and i don’t know how the sims can make me think that this game is the best game to play.

maybe it’s because you can have a life, exactly like what you ever wanted. you can get the ideal life. (although, it can piss you off when your sim is sleepy, or has the need to take a pee or something). but that’s the game. you can set it all up. and life is not like playing the sims, not even close. maybe there is some time you can set what you want, you can get what you need, but in a real life, it’s not that easy. in a real life, the easier you get, the more complicated risk you get. that’s why there is a quote ” Slowly but sure.. ” and ” save the best for last.. ” that’s a real life.

the sims is kind of a fantasy of having a life, but you can make it real, can make it happen if you just be as struggle as you achieve the goals at the sims. and of course not that fast to make it happen, you also have to be honest and patient. life is such a pain, not like playing the sims, you can be heart-less in it (because there’s a cheat to increase your money in only a second! *bad example*)

lesson for today : people must be having an unsociable measure time in their life, but don’t forget what is really exist surrounding you.

have fun to live your life, folks :DD

”  Every man dies -not every man really lives ” -William Rose Wallace

What is your fear ?

most people answer this question with ” death “. and most people say that someone who has a fear of death is a coward. Is there anyone who has a fear of growth ? is someone who has a fear of growth more coward than someone who has a fear of death ? well let’s not figure this one out either coward or not coward. because i’m gonna feel that i am a coward. the thing is, i have a fear of both, growth and death.

isn’t it so sad when you watch or at least realize that people you love have grown older ? probably, it wouldn’t so sad when you had a baby and you watched your baby grown up, you gotta be excited to see it! but it would be different if you realized that your parents/grandparents/great-grandparents had grown older. and they are likely close to death. i feel so weak when i think about it. i ask my self, what i have been giving to them ? time flies, people born, people grow, and die in time. it’s like you wear watch on your hand, you can’t hear the sound of the watch every time the bow moves if you just busy with your thing, all you know is, dang! it’s 3.21 AM! you can not feel, can’t count the time. that’s how growth works. and that’s how people grow. and when you noticed that your time was over to be with people you love, and they passed away, in the same time you’d notice that you have wasted your time without watching they grown to death. you would be alone again.

i lost my grandpa 2 years ago. he was a lovely man. i loved him so much. i wish he could see me get married and have a little family. i thought he will be there to see me get married (although, i won’t get married too early. but if he asked me to, i would ) when he was gone, i realized something, that i only spent a little time with him to see him grown up, until he was dead. i didn’t blame my self though, i just feel regret that i wish i could spend a little more time with him to see him grown up.

by this experience, i would not make the same mistake that i did to my grandpa. i am going to spend more times with my grandma as much as i can. well i went to visit her last week. it was fun and joyfull! (although, she always thinks that i’ve been always lying to her about with whom i went out at night, and where i slept over after ) . she was just worried about me. she picked me up at my aunt’s house at evening. she got the house by the train! how amazing she was! i think she was out of her mind for acting so strong to pick me up just to make sure that i was really there! she’s nuts 😉 but i love her soooo muuuucccchhhh, as if i can’t live without her.

i am not afraid of my death. i am not afraid of my growth to death. but the most thing i fear in life is to watch people i love grown up to death. i just love them. i want them to see me growing older as they grow. i just want them to be around when i have babies.

oh, i just love them more than my life itself.

this day, Marshanda ( an actres in my place who often plays like drama series ) is being a HOT topic. it’s not that she is playing in the new drama series, but she made some videos that dramatically like a drama series. she uploaded them on youtube! on YOUTUBE my friends.. i wonder by the time i watched those videos, she’s an actrees, what the hell was she thinking for making those kinda craps ? didn’t she think that those people who actually know her would watch those craps ? she talks about her life in the past ( esp. her elementary enemies), her dad, her broken-home stories as she cries! her x-boyfriends, she dances, yet she cries a lot! well i just think that she was on drugs! or she’s sick indeed. but her attitude on those videos seems like she’s drunk!

i know people who make such a video blog. but they dont cry, they dont act like sick people. maybe it’s her purpose to make such a video blog. but it came out just too much. and people in my country who dont really familiar with this video blog stuff, they think that marshanda is kinda sick! poor girl.

i talk about her over and over and over again, because i think this issue is kinda interesting. i talk about this with my grandma, friends, best friends, the guys, my mom, my dad.. i keep trying to discover where did this thing come from ?

i just talked with my best friend Mail this evening about her. he said that he happened to feel for being ignored by the elementary school friends back then. i knew this story. yet he tells me about his childhood story so often, i also happened to see it directly! LOL.

by the experience to hear these stories about childhood environment, i believe that a childhood story remains the same. a childhood story has a big impact for the growth. a kid who has been discriminated by the others would have such a traumatic to adapt with the new environment surrounding. a kid who has been insulted with the others would feel like under pressure, because they think why they could not be like the others who make a lot of  friends, who could be sociable, and who could not be the one to be insulted or discriminated. besides, family environment is important to embrace the kid as a kid! don’t push a kid to make money too early, it’s dangerous. don’t create them as a money maker. just let the kid to be a kid.

i thank god that my dad and my mom treated me well as i was a kid. what about yours folks ?

Broken Arrow



i might be wrong. i might be making mistakes. i might have been fooled around, i might be blind. and i might have been being such a fool for all these years, but i’m not gonna be that person anymore this time.

this heart is just like a broken arrow. it was fragile before, now it’s broken. i’m not gonna call it as a broken heart. i’m not. because if i do call it as a broken heart, i will be called as a lame person in the same time or i will call my self as it is ( because my friends say that it’s a normal for having a broken heart ). well i just wanna convince my self that i know that i am strong. i am brave enough to see the truth that the past could have been so bad, but in this present time and also for the next after all could be not. of course if i do it right. and yeah just like john legend says ” Love hurts sometimes when you do it right.. “ . and why something could be hurt and wrong when you do it right ? what kinda life is this ? why everything happens upside down in life ? no more time to figure this one out. it just waste of time.

i am feeling so empty. hollow. disoriented when i found my self that i have been betrayed. by my own best friend! (actually she used to be my best friend, which means she’s no longer happens to be one ). i just wonder, literally, what was on her mind when she happened to cheat with her best friend’s boyfriend ? which she actually knew that i was so into him, she knew everything between us, she knew how this asshole treated me, that she fucking knew what we have done and through together. i believed in her. i did. and i believed in him for not cheating with her (again). what was on their mind when they were backstabbing me ? what was on their mind when they were cheating behind me ? it just out of my mind, what was on their mind ? i really have no idea.

i leave him. this is for the last time. not gonna forgive him. never.

i leave her. this is for the last time. not gonna forgive her. never.

well i have never said it before to anyone, no one. this is my first time. so i guess, i wish you guys the best. i wish you happiness. i wish you could feel what i feel. and i wish you luck!

let’s supposed like we never knew each other. let’s say that i am a stranger for you, assholes. ( thank’s god i’m not one of these assholes ).

i dump facebook. just like what Bill Gates does. too many friends as Bill Gates says, it can be my reason too to dump facebook, but to avoid these assholes to ruin my life and yet for me to stalk one of them, is quite relevant and concreate idea and reason. i’m not gonna let them to bug my life for the several times. for godsake! there must be so many possibilities for them to ruin my life again. to break the arrow again. and i’m not gonna be this such a fool anymore, because i’m not! i know it’s kinda childish, it’s kinda a desperate measure. however, i don’t give a damn. this is heart speaking. if they have a right to be happy by hurting me, then i have a right to deserve hapiness by leaving them for those who hurts me.

it’s time to regroup. to recover. to heal. to grow. to step forward. to move on. without them.

the broken arrow could not be fixed. but i could have the better one at least, even more. i don’t need the new one, i just need the better one 🙂

there i go.. got stumble in bad grades, deficit, being a target of their (mom and dad) anger, and the one that always keeps faith in me is the loneliness itself 😦 it’s not that because i have no one.. that exactly i feel so all alone, although closest friends here beside me.. they always be.. i just know.

this pain began when my dad has found out the evaluation of my grades in this semester. it is totally BAD! i knew it before my dad. and i’ve never felt like freaked out about my grades, but this time, i have. i feel sorry, regret, and feel like i am nothing. at least, this time i feel those kinda feelings as i’ve never felt like this before about it. my dad should understand this. but i guess he is just fed up with me. i messed up everything. his trust, his chances, his effort to encourage my spirit, but then i have just thrown it all away. i am disappointing. maybe it’s me who didn’t try hard enough to do my best. maybe it’s me who did’nt struggle enough to face the fact that in life, you have to be so brave, wise and sincere with all of your heart and soul to take the advantage of the fact that life is not that easy if you don’t make/have a lot of money. life has always been under control for me, cause apparently, life is being controled by a lot of money.

i’m not saying that life is all about the money, but money controls life. literally. i just wonder why people gets confused/mad/flustered/disoriented/anything if has lack of money. for example : My mom will act very nice in the early of each month which she gets her income from my dad’s office, but  she will act very harsh/fussy/rude/unmannered/visious in the middle of the month when her saving is about to breakdown. it’s kinda weird emotion, isn’t it ? what should i call this emotion ? uhmm, “pre-financial problem measure” ? Scientific.

and when she gets this “pre-financial problem measure”, the one who always be capably tender target is, ME! darn. because you know, she always thinks that i deserve it. she and my dad and the whole family know me as a rebel, riot, lazy, sleepyhead, couch potato, controversial, and troublemaker bitch! so she thinks it always be a good idea to make me someone to blame.

and my dad, he is the one who makes money. he works for us, he strives anything to raise me and my brothers up. he is terrific a good dad. but there is sometimes he turns to be an assertive, conservative, old-fashion, and naive. in this case, he wants me to be a dork/unsociable/isolated by studying, studying, studying. all he wanna know is i make some good grades in university. he doesn’t wanna know about the distractions. even more, he doesn’t give a DAMN about the distractions. he solve his “problem” in me as if i have no choice like ” i give you this money each month, and i dont know how you manage this, but it must be enough for you ” –he doesn’t buy any compromise. he believes in this theory ” people who will b successful is the one who has some good result and always make an evaluation every 3 years that already passed on ” . yeah that’s what my dad did to me. he wanted me to evaluate my life in these 3 years lately.

here it goes, i have been awake late at night to evaluate my life. what i have been making in these 3 years to make him proud of me ? and the result was, nothing. in every aspects. in every parts of my life. and when i did this, i was hurting. it broke my heart so bad to find that i got nothing to proud of. my dad was right. he was absolutely right.

i could not control my life. i was just out of control to handle my self. i could not even do the best for my self, how would i do the best for the others ?

i’m gonna off to figure out whether i still can be able to do my best 😦

i will update this folks.

before leave, this is my family


my brother's graduated. we were whole in this picture. do we look very happy in this picture ? please say we do.

at the airport. my brother was off to bali. my dad looks charming.

at the airport. my brother was off to bali. my dad looks charming.

family's friday night out at citos.

family's friday night out at citos.

mom. she looks okay. a lil

mom. she looks okay. a lil