“Absolutely Zero”

30Oct10

I’m not good at saying something. You know I’d rather to write it down than saying it directly.

Time changes, so does life. And I hate it when it comes to me. I’m not blaming you for this because of course it was mine instead.

I don’t wanna be fake, neither be the one who confesses and witnesses things honestly. You know I’d rather be quiet. Because you know I’m not good at saying anything.

I just don’t have enough a courage  to say something truthfully in direct.

I feel bad for once I’ve thought and said that we could make it, the fact we couldn’t or I couldn’t. if I had a chance to make a defense, I’d say I just don’t get enough to believe that I’ve changed. But if I had no chance, I’d say.. I’ve made new friends that I can get more comfortable with.

It was the truth. You might not like this one. But I know you’re not a huge fans of faking as you say it. so there I said it.

I feel bad to be the one who you thought I forgot you. I’ve been sleepless the whole times just thinking of you.  I’ve been thinking of how to make you happy for who I am. But it seems like you turn to judge me for every single thing I do. I’ve been sleepless because I can’t stop thinking of how I owe you my life. And it hurts

It hurts to be the one who keeps thinking of making everyone happy, because i feel happy around you. I feel like there’s something that I gotta repay is that I gotta make you feel happy in return just to be happy around me. but I have a fear that you never be happy around me. that sometimes I kept myself away from you, and i once swore I’d come back when I had my self sure I could make you happy.

The hardest part of being a friend is, when you try hard to be a straight forward because you’ve been asked for it but it’ll turn out they hate you. I just don’t get it how to be good at it. I have no idea.

The thing is, I feel like losing you. I do. if you thought I hated you, you were false. If you thought I forgot you, you were false. The fact is, I can’t stop thinking of you, it’s true. I sometimes cry about it. and as I’m writing this I am crying like a baby. if you thought this writing was sweet-talking and lies, you were false. I trust you and that’s why you have to trust me. I never never never tell lies when it comes to the person I trust.

I love you.. I do. I once have lost friends back then and it was depressing, I felt like killing my self for the fault I’ve made. For the hurt I’ve felt. By then, I learned something, I don’t wanna lose anyone else and especially you. you’ve been so nice because you are.

I’m sorry for the wrong I’ve made. I won’t promise again to plan or craming idea that we can make it, but I hope we can make it.

It hurts for not having you around.

I’m sorry. Like seriously. I’m sorry

I’m a bad person who tries to be the good one, and I know I’m so failed. So that’s why I’m sorry.

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