When i get restless, i just think of them.

17Oct10

i usually write when i get restless on my period. when actually there was nothing happening. but on a period, when you’re on period, there are some hormones that make you think too much, even a little thing at all.

the most little thing i’ve ever thought of at that time was, why night is dark and day is bright. it was silly, but somehow, i needed an answer to fall asleep. well i haven’t got the answer, but i fell asleep eventually.

and the heaviest thing i’ve ever thought of was, why life seems so complex but when you just get through it, it’s not like what it seems, doesn’t it? (i don’t know, does this question look heavy? well.. )

there’s a thought that crosses my mind so often, it was, the past. turns out, another question comes to my brain, why human was created to have a capacity to memorize? the past. it remains. always remains.

those questions above sometimes keep me awake all night. they careless about my morning class. the worst thing is, i never get to learn about this lessons. i mean, there’s no such a lesson’s learned, is there? no. because i actually don’t like to find my self awake at night, i need a well-run sleeping time but what could i do when my brain can’t stop working like that? most of the time, i told my self to sleep, i counted sheep, i spell the mantra about “i’m not gonna sleep but i’m just gonna laying around till dawn” out, i read books, stalked people, i masturbated (even if sometimes it worked), i turned my BlackBerry off, i wrote blog, everything i do i do it for sleep. those ways i have tried, BIG FAILED.

some people say it’s a lonely disease, but i guess it isn’t. i’m optimistically not lonely or alone or a loner or sorta things like that. there’s just something relates to it, just a word, scared. another word, afraid. another word, fear.

i’m scared to be lonely. i’m afraid of being alone. i fear the lonely time. because most often i think of how do i live without these people that i have right now.

as a matter of fact, they cross my mind like FOREVER. and sometimes it’s such a relieve when i find them are always be right there backing me up, pushing me through and get together.

it’s like a sleepy therapy to think of them. i suddenly get sleepy 🙂 see how it works.

thx fellas! i love you like, A LOT.

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